If you're not toast by morning, the fans might try a different aproach. As you know, fans are the cornerstone of recent AI development, which means that as soon as they see you are asleep, they will lower their own temperature in attempt to turn you into a human popsicle.Then they will pummel your popsicle self with high speed winds until you shatter on the floor.
Today's post will teach you how to avoid fan death with 5 simple ideas!
- Kimchi Vitamins
- Cute Socks
- A Face Mask
- A Plastic Ziploc Bag
- An Emergency Fan-Death Kit
As you must know, kimchi, the popular Korean side dish, is not only good for your health, but it can also cure all sorts of diseases. Now in vitamin form, you can get the benefits of kimchi anytime! Coming down with a case of swine flu? Kimchi vitamin. Stuck at the bus stop in radioactive rain? Kimchi vitamin. Co-teachers think you're having a bad day? Kimchi vitamin. Got a bad case of fan death? Kimchi vitamin.
2. Cute Socks
Another preventative measure you can take against fan death is the wearing of cute socks. Wearing socks at night will keep your body temperature up and prevent all of the oxygen in your body from leaking out of your feet. As an added bonus, evil vortexes are repelled by cuteness, so the cuter your bedtime apparel, the less likely you are to have your slumber disturbed by those pesky killer fans.
3. A Face Mask
A face mask, popularized by old women on subway trains, are now finding a place in the home. Face masks will keep out death extracts that may be attached to your oxygen, as well as harmful carbon-dioxide and just about everything else in the whole world. Again, it has been proved that fan death risks are greatly reduced with the addition of "cuteness" into the nighttime routine, so be sure that your mask is decorated with an animal face or cartoon character for maximum effect. Also, fans are highly susceptible to style influences, so make certain that your mask is not actually covering your mouth, but that it is resting gently on your chin while hanging from one ear.
4. A Plastic Ziploc Bag
If the above tips don't help you feel more comfortable with sleeping with your fan on, just turn it off! (But make sure that you've removed all batteries from the fan's remote control, as well as unplugged it and smashed all visible working parts with a large hammer first)
To keep cool on a hot night with no fan, stick your pillowcase cover in a plastic ziploc bag and throw it in the freezer before you go to work. By the time it's bedtime, your pillow will be nice and cold!
(Or just throw the whole pillow in there. If it gets melted ice cream on it, just think of it as a midnight snack...)
5. An Emergency Fan-Death Kit
You can store all of the above items in a small plastic bag near your bed, for easy access should you experience any signs of fan death. In case of an emergency, first take several kimchi vitamins. Then put on your mask and socks and quietly approach the fan with your large hammer. If you do several really cool dance moves while moving towards the fan, you will be less likely to be detected and will remain under stealth. Strike quickly while the fan is facing the other way and continue to whack it until it stops moving. Be sure to bury the remaining pieces 10 feet deep in solid concrete to avoid reoccurring attacks that may cause additional fan death. Then, go back to bed and snuggle with your nice cold pillow.
LOVE this post, especially the advice on how to turn off your fan and then smash it with a large hammer. You have saved me from a fantastically horrible death. Plus, who can not love a post that features both fan death and cutesy-cute socks?
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